Inner Peace, At Last!

I am at a crossroads in my life in several areas. I have been praying and begging God to help me figure everything out. I went for a midnight drive tonight. I turned off the radio. I prayed. But, this time, instead of me speaking to God, I did something different. I simply listened. I listened with my heart. I listened with my spirit. I got mixed messages for a few minutes. But then I remembered something. Stand where there is peace. And, suddenly, everything was so clear. I listened to and felt the Holy Spirit guide me through each question, and each answer. I listened with an open heart while the Holy Spirit explained the reasons why I should make each of those choices. I have made my decisions. I am at peace. I am just going to patiently wait for God’s plan to unfold. Thank You, Heavenly Father!!

20 Things I Would Do With $100+ Million Dollars 

If I were to miraculously when a HUGE lottery jackpot, what would I do with it? I would do some responsible things…and maybe a few frivolous things. But, most of all, I would do as much as possible to help make the world a better place.

1. Pay off all my my creditors and all of my fiancée’s creditors.

2. Buy a new, reasonable car, such as a Ford Taurus or Fusion, or something similar.

3. Buy a new pickup truck or SUV.

4. Maybe a sports car (Challenger, Mustang or Camaro)

5. Pay off my house and make improvements (new furniture, new fridge, new washer and dryer, new fencing, hire a professional organizer, interior decorator, landscape architect).

6. Hire a cleaning service to come in one or two days a week.

7. Pay my parents back for the estimated 100+ thousand dollars I have borrowed.

8. Give 2 or 3 million to my parents and my fiancée’s parents so they could have a nice retirement.

9. Pay off my step dad and sister’s medical bills.

10. Pay my parents’ health insurance premiums so my mom could finally retire and they could still be covered.

11. Give a reasonable amount to the rest of my family and friends.

12. Make sure my aunt could retire and be ok.

13. Fund my nieces and nephews college education, along with my cousins children and my fiancée’s nieces and nephews education and any of my siblings that want to go.

14. Donate, Donate, Donate (Church, my community organizations and any causes I believe in).

15. Fund my fiancée’s education, as well as pay off her current student loans.

16. Go to PRN at work so I could go to college, and also pay for college.

17. Join Net Jets

18. Buy my mom, step dad, sister, and fiancée’s parents new vehicles.

19. Pay off my sister’s house.

20. Save, Save, Save. Invest, Invest, Invest.









Old Dreams Die Hard

Growing up, my dream was to be a pilot, or play for the Oakland (at the time LA) Raiders. When I got to high school, my dream changed slightly. I wanted to be an executive in the aviation industry, such as an airline executive, manager of a small airport, or start my own charter service/fixed base of operation (FBO). I also wanted to be in the military at some point, and had thought about trying to get in the CIA. As far as jobs in the military, I was considering Meteorology, Aircraft Mechanic, Air Traffic Control, Pararescue, or Intelligence. As a young adult, I wanted to play minor league hockey for the Fort Wayne Komets (something I still fantasize about often). Some of those came true. I was able to fulfill my dream of becoming a pilot, although not at the level I wanted. (I wanted to fly for Net Jets, FedEx, or the US Marshalls.)I was also able to fulfill my dream of serving my country in the Armed Forces. Being a professional or semi professional athlete, however, those dreams went bye-bye a long time ago. Any chance I had in being in the CIA were lost when I chose to go into the Infantry when I did have the chance to go into military intelligence (I thought I wanted more of a physical challenge than what I thought would be mental…boy was that a mistake). Now that I am older, even if I had chosen a different military occupation, I could never pass the rigorous psych evaluation to work for the CIA, NSA, etc. Now if I could do any job in the world, what would it be? Well my friends, I am undecided. I have thought about finishing my Meteorology degree or a degree in Aviation Management. But I still want to be an analyst for the CIA, even though it wouldn’t be the “cloak and dagger” operative that I had once dreamt of. I also wouldn’t mind working for the FBI as a Forensic Psychologist or maybe in local, state or federal law enforcement in the computer forensics field. I also wouldn’t mind being a chef. I am also interested in being the Executive Director of NAMI Indiana someday or maybe the State Commander for the VFW Department of Indiana. Right now my top considerations are probably the VFW State Commander, E.D. of NAMI Indiana, computer forensics, forensic psychology, and something that I really feel passionate about is doing pastoral care at a hospital. But, I’m a broke ass mofo trying to overcome 2 serious mental illnesses and a traumatic brain injury, and I’m getting older and more in debt by the day. The chances of me going back to college to be able to do any of that is growing smaller by the second. Whatever God’s plan is for me will come to be. I am learning to listen to Him. When I don’t, He kind of kicks me in the pants as a reminder. So I guess I should stop living in the past, and although I can plan ahead, I need not worry about the future. I need to enjoy the precious gift that is this moment, and not let this gift pass me by.

Returning to Work

Yesterday when I met with my supervisor, she told me multiple times how happy she was to see me, how glad she was that I am coming back, and how much I am needed. She also told me about a new program that she thought I would be good for, and asked if I was willing to get another certification through the state to be able to work in that program. Heck yeah! It feels good to know that I am still wanted and needed even though my work performance was not very good leading up to my medical leave.

Update on my surgery

I saw the doctor this morning for my follow up visit. He initially wanted me to see him again in 6 weeks, and did not want me to go back to work until then. I couldn’t do that, because I would have lost my job because I have no protection under FMLA due to currently working part time. So, I got him to agree to let me come back now, with restrictions, and I see him again in a month. I got the sutures removed, and he said that everything looks really good. He was able to save the nerves and muscle tissue this time, so I already have full range of motion, and won’t need a brace like I did for my right foot. My supervisor also has approved me to come back. Now, I’m just waiting on the paperwork to get through HR so they can officially approve it. If all goes well, I will be working less hours for a few weeks while I work myself back to my normal schdule. I am planning on working Wednesday and Saturday next week, to get the ball rolling on getting back to work.

Taking My Breath Away

I hate having sleep apnea and COPD. I often fall asleep on the couch while watching tv. Many times when I do this, I will wake up gasping for air several times. I literally feel as if I’m going to die. And, I’m 33. Who the hell has COPD at the age of 33? I guess I shouldn’t have smoked 3 packs a day through most of my 20s. That is all. Have a wonderful day, and God bless. Actually, no pressure, so have the day you have.

Love Animals

I saw a Facebook post today about a baby elephant that was shunned by it’s mother.  The baby elephant cried nonstop for 5 straight hours. That breaks my heart. It made me so sad that I literally feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. It made me think of my dog. My dog is a rescue dog. He was mistreated and deserted by his previous owners, and then spent the next six months locked in a cage. That makes me sad as well, because he is a good dog, and he didn’t deserve that. No animal does. I guess now all I can do his treat him the best I can and give him the best life I can.