A New Life and a New Plan

I recently went back to college after several years. I’m also starting a new job in two weeks. I’m going to be working two to three times as many hours at my new job as I do now. I can’t handle any more failures in my life right now. Although I have a 97% in my class this term, the workload is extremely light and I’m still struggling to stay caught up. I really don’t want to take another “break” from college, but I need to get adjusted to my new schedule before I can continue. I’m also going to take some time to focus on my music. (I play trombone, and I’m learning guitar and piano.) I am also going to work on the short story/novel that I started writing some time ago. Therefore, I am taking some time off from school at the end of the term ending on Tuesday. I don’t see this as a failure, I see it as a successful completion of the term, and setting myself up for success in other areas of my life, and a successful completion of my degree in the future.

It’s Been a While…

Hello all.  It’s been quite a while since I have posted any new content.  I am up tonight, so I thought, “What the hell?”

Anyway,  I am still working at the Mental Health Center. I have been there for over 3 years now. It’s my longest Non-Military job ever. I am currently part-time, but we will see if I can make it back to Full-Time soon!

I was working at Walmart as an overnight stocker for about 2 or 3 weeks, but I’m still in the multiple year process of recovering from all of my surgeries, and my body just could not handle it. Too bad. I really needed the money.

Shortly after I moved to Fort Wayne, I resigned as Chaplain at my former VFW Post, and I transferred to a local Fort Wayne Post. I am now the Junior Vice Commander at the post. Due to so many relocations recently, this is my third post. At my first post, I was Senior Vice Commander, at my second post I was Chaplain, and now, at my third post, I am Junior Vice Commander. I just thought that was interesting.

I am in a fairly new relationship. She is great. We are doing awesome! Unfortunately, she is currently living 1,100 miles away. I will soon be going down there again, for the second time in 10 weeks. It’s expensive, but it’s worth it. I am planning on moving there soon within the next 9-18 months, depending on my financial situation, and how soon I can get it turned around (Hence the Walmart job…more income plus ability to transfer when I am ready to relocate.)

I have started my own business. I am now an independent contractor for a company. It’s another Part-Time gig, at least for now, with opportunities to increase my work load as I gain experience. I am doing it 100% from home. I’m sure there will be more about that to come in the future. I don’t really have much else to say on the matter.

I got in another car accident. This time is was not my fault!! I was hit by another driver. It has taken forever to get it fixed. I am finally getting it fixed next week!!

That is all I have. I desperately need to take my medications, as I am several hours overdue. Y’all have a nice day or night now, whatever time of day you are reading this.


Learning Things I Didn’t Know About Myself

Since the break up, and me moving out, I’m learning so much about myself. See, I have never really been on my own, fully relying on myself. I have always been in the military, or in college living with roommates and my parents paying my bills, or in college living on my own with my parents paying my bills. Even when I was married previously, I had my wife, and a few times we were living with my parents or her family, also with my parents paying our bills. And, then I moved to a new town a lived with my fiancée, also with the financial backing of my parents when needed. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t make withdrawals from the “bank of mom” every now and then, but for the most part, it’s all me. I am living alone for the first time in a very long time, and I’m more financially independent than I have ever been. And you know what? I’m making it.

I’m also learning that I’m fine on my own. I don’t need a relationship to be happy. I’m strong enough to be alone. And, I’m enjoying it! Do I get lonely and depressed sometimes? Yes. Do I still talk to my ex multiple times a day? Well, yes again. But I’m learning that I am strong enough to do this. I need to do this. I need to experience life on my own as an adult before I can ever be in a serious relationship again, whether that means working things out with her, or starting a relationship with someone new. I’m having fun! I’m becoming more responsible. I’m doing things that I never thought possible before.

I am also realizing how much I love my job. I have great supervisors, great coworkers and I work for a great company. Will I stay at this job forever? I don’t know. It is quite possible, though. And, I’m already taking steps to further my career with this company and to help make myself more useful to the company. Today, I will be submitting an application to get trained and certified in another specialty. If I complete the program, I will have every certification available for my position at this point. And the company is starting a new program for our clients in which the new certification will be highly valuable.

My plan is to complete the training, prove myself, get back to Full Time, and, as the company grows, hopefully be made a team leader. I plan on discussing this with my supervisor very soon.

And, I’m not stopping there. Once I can get myself reestablished and more stable mentally and financially, I am going to go back to college to finish my degree, making myself even more useful for the company, and also furthering my career.

Update on ” Inner Peace, at Last”

Well, things turned out exactly the opposite of what I was expecting. Instead of getting married, my fiancee and I broke up over Christmas. Instead of buying the house I was renting, I moved to a studio apartment an hour away. Instead of taking a new job with the Department of Veterans Affairs, I recently found out that, after two interviews, I was not selected for the job. But it’s okay. My former fiancee and I are getting along better. We are not exactly together at this point, but we are talking about working things out slowly. I am recharged, refreshed and recommitted to my current job, and I love where I live. I have no doubt that this was all part of God’s plan, and there is a reason. I am doing my best to stay positive! Plus, I still have my awesome dog!!

Old Dreams Die Hard

Growing up, my dream was to be a pilot, or play for the Oakland (at the time LA) Raiders. When I got to high school, my dream changed slightly. I wanted to be an executive in the aviation industry, such as an airline executive, manager of a small airport, or start my own charter service/fixed base of operation (FBO). I also wanted to be in the military at some point, and had thought about trying to get in the CIA. As far as jobs in the military, I was considering Meteorology, Aircraft Mechanic, Air Traffic Control, Pararescue, or Intelligence. As a young adult, I wanted to play minor league hockey for the Fort Wayne Komets (something I still fantasize about often). Some of those came true. I was able to fulfill my dream of becoming a pilot, although not at the level I wanted. (I wanted to fly for Net Jets, FedEx, or the US Marshalls.)I was also able to fulfill my dream of serving my country in the Armed Forces. Being a professional or semi professional athlete, however, those dreams went bye-bye a long time ago. Any chance I had in being in the CIA were lost when I chose to go into the Infantry when I did have the chance to go into military intelligence (I thought I wanted more of a physical challenge than what I thought would be mental…boy was that a mistake). Now that I am older, even if I had chosen a different military occupation, I could never pass the rigorous psych evaluation to work for the CIA, NSA, etc. Now if I could do any job in the world, what would it be? Well my friends, I am undecided. I have thought about finishing my Meteorology degree or a degree in Aviation Management. But I still want to be an analyst for the CIA, even though it wouldn’t be the “cloak and dagger” operative that I had once dreamt of. I also wouldn’t mind working for the FBI as a Forensic Psychologist or maybe in local, state or federal law enforcement in the computer forensics field. I also wouldn’t mind being a chef. I am also interested in being the Executive Director of NAMI Indiana someday or maybe the State Commander for the VFW Department of Indiana. Right now my top considerations are probably the VFW State Commander, E.D. of NAMI Indiana, computer forensics, forensic psychology, and something that I really feel passionate about is doing pastoral care at a hospital. But, I’m a broke ass mofo trying to overcome 2 serious mental illnesses and a traumatic brain injury, and I’m getting older and more in debt by the day. The chances of me going back to college to be able to do any of that is growing smaller by the second. Whatever God’s plan is for me will come to be. I am learning to listen to Him. When I don’t, He kind of kicks me in the pants as a reminder. So I guess I should stop living in the past, and although I can plan ahead, I need not worry about the future. I need to enjoy the precious gift that is this moment, and not let this gift pass me by.

Returning to Work

Yesterday when I met with my supervisor, she told me multiple times how happy she was to see me, how glad she was that I am coming back, and how much I am needed. She also told me about a new program that she thought I would be good for, and asked if I was willing to get another certification through the state to be able to work in that program. Heck yeah! It feels good to know that I am still wanted and needed even though my work performance was not very good leading up to my medical leave.

Update on my surgery

I saw the doctor this morning for my follow up visit. He initially wanted me to see him again in 6 weeks, and did not want me to go back to work until then. I couldn’t do that, because I would have lost my job because I have no protection under FMLA due to currently working part time. So, I got him to agree to let me come back now, with restrictions, and I see him again in a month. I got the sutures removed, and he said that everything looks really good. He was able to save the nerves and muscle tissue this time, so I already have full range of motion, and won’t need a brace like I did for my right foot. My supervisor also has approved me to come back. Now, I’m just waiting on the paperwork to get through HR so they can officially approve it. If all goes well, I will be working less hours for a few weeks while I work myself back to my normal schdule. I am planning on working Wednesday and Saturday next week, to get the ball rolling on getting back to work.