Well, things turned out exactly the opposite of what I was expecting. Instead of getting married, my fiancee and I broke up over Christmas. Instead of buying the house I was renting, I moved to a studio apartment an hour away. Instead of taking a new job with the Department of Veterans Affairs, I recently found out that, after two interviews, I was not selected for the job. But it’s okay. My former fiancee and I are getting along better. We are not exactly together at this point, but we are talking about working things out slowly. I am recharged, refreshed and recommitted to my current job, and I love where I live. I have no doubt that this was all part of God’s plan, and there is a reason. I am doing my best to stay positive! Plus, I still have my awesome dog!!
I am at a crossroads in my life in several areas. I have been praying and begging God to help me figure everything out. I went for a midnight drive tonight. I turned off the radio. I prayed. But, this time, instead of me speaking to God, I did something different. I simply listened. I listened with my heart. I listened with my spirit. I got mixed messages for a few minutes. But then I remembered something. Stand where there is peace. And, suddenly, everything was so clear. I listened to and felt the Holy Spirit guide me through each question, and each answer. I listened with an open heart while the Holy Spirit explained the reasons why I should make each of those choices. I have made my decisions. I am at peace. I am just going to patiently wait for God’s plan to unfold. Thank You, Heavenly Father!!
Growing up, my dream was to be a pilot, or play for the Oakland (at the time LA) Raiders. When I got to high school, my dream changed slightly. I wanted to be an executive in the aviation industry, such as an airline executive, manager of a small airport, or start my own charter service/fixed base of operation (FBO). I also wanted to be in the military at some point, and had thought about trying to get in the CIA. As far as jobs in the military, I was considering Meteorology, Aircraft Mechanic, Air Traffic Control, Pararescue, or Intelligence. As a young adult, I wanted to play minor league hockey for the Fort Wayne Komets (something I still fantasize about often). Some of those came true. I was able to fulfill my dream of becoming a pilot, although not at the level I wanted. (I wanted to fly for Net Jets, FedEx, or the US Marshalls.)I was also able to fulfill my dream of serving my country in the Armed Forces. Being a professional or semi professional athlete, however, those dreams went bye-bye a long time ago. Any chance I had in being in the CIA were lost when I chose to go into the Infantry when I did have the chance to go into military intelligence (I thought I wanted more of a physical challenge than what I thought would be mental…boy was that a mistake). Now that I am older, even if I had chosen a different military occupation, I could never pass the rigorous psych evaluation to work for the CIA, NSA, etc. Now if I could do any job in the world, what would it be? Well my friends, I am undecided. I have thought about finishing my Meteorology degree or a degree in Aviation Management. But I still want to be an analyst for the CIA, even though it wouldn’t be the “cloak and dagger” operative that I had once dreamt of. I also wouldn’t mind working for the FBI as a Forensic Psychologist or maybe in local, state or federal law enforcement in the computer forensics field. I also wouldn’t mind being a chef. I am also interested in being the Executive Director of NAMI Indiana someday or maybe the State Commander for the VFW Department of Indiana. Right now my top considerations are probably the VFW State Commander, E.D. of NAMI Indiana, computer forensics, forensic psychology, and something that I really feel passionate about is doing pastoral care at a hospital. But, I’m a broke ass mofo trying to overcome 2 serious mental illnesses and a traumatic brain injury, and I’m getting older and more in debt by the day. The chances of me going back to college to be able to do any of that is growing smaller by the second. Whatever God’s plan is for me will come to be. I am learning to listen to Him. When I don’t, He kind of kicks me in the pants as a reminder. So I guess I should stop living in the past, and although I can plan ahead, I need not worry about the future. I need to enjoy the precious gift that is this moment, and not let this gift pass me by.
I am currently holding the position of Chaplain. This is an honor for me. However, I may be replaced soon. It seems like something always comes between me and fulfilling my duties as Chaplain. As much as I hate to admit it, it may be better for everyone involved if I were to be replaced. My “day job” doesn’t allow me to participate in many funerals, which is a large part of the position. I also find it difficult to pray out loud in a group setting from time to time. Also, I don’t have the strongest spiritual life right now. There is so much room for me to improve that perhaps I should just vacate the position. But, I love what I do as Chaplain. It allows me to feel as if I am serving God on a level that I could have never previously imagined. Either way, I’m sure it will work out for the best. I am a huge believer that things, one way or another always work out for the common good and in a way that glorifies the Lord.