Health Concerns, Fear and Being Overwhelmed


I want to start this off by saying one thing. Thinking about the process of getting to retirement makes me feel overwhelmed. The thought of working day in, day out, getting only weekends off if your lucky, and taking the very occasional vacation while working for decade upon decade…just thinking about it makes me cringe. That being said, I had a pretty good week at work.

On another note, I really need to start taking better care of myself. My health hasn’t exactly been the best lately. I have some major shit going on right now. One of my fears is that I will just die at any moment, or that I will go to bed one night and never wake up. I have been through a lot of testing lately, with a lot more to come. I am afraid that I will have to have a super-major surgery and then die on the operating table. I realized today that I have a lot to live for. The two most important things are actually people, those being Sharame and my mom. It would devastate both of them if anything should happen to me. Having those two wonderful ladies in my corner is reason enough that I must go on. Also, I want to have children. Maybe not my own, but I want to adopt. And I want to be there to see my children graduate from high school, maybe go to college or the military, get married and have children of there own. To be there for all of that, I need to make some major changes.

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